There is a mountain of science and books addressing the subject of breaking cycles of behavior we find toxic or on a lesser note maybe unrewarding.
Its nothing new to remind someone about the need to break the negative thoughts we rehearse in our brain. Most people are unaware they habitually repeat negative behavior or when they randomly do, are not aware of it. They and myself can so easily be oblivious to our own thoughts.
When someone is rude they don’t think of them self as being rude. They see them self as being right or some other enabling virtue. The same holds true for selfish, vindictive, depressive, negative, ….
This isn’t a story about how to become aware of our own behavior. It is taking that step as something we have already embarked on.
So being aware of the negative behavior that engulfs our life and attempting to overcome it is for many a slow process often facing re-occurring obstacles. Most of the troublesome obstacles we find ourself returning to are areas we seem stuck at and can not get past.
Some people may read this and think this is either “heavy shit” or some of that meaningless erroneous banter. What is meaningless or heavy shit is overlooking the repetition of cyclic behavior we go through throughout our life. Finally looking at what we have been ignoring or thinking over is waking up to the events that we create that keep us trapped in a lifestyle of our own unconscious behavior.
It is quite easy to look at this as though we are trying to rectify a gigantic tsunami wave about to destroy us. So closing the book so to say seems much more suitable then addressing the topic. Most times it isn’t till enough pain has been endured that we become willing to look at what we have never wanted to look at before.
These tsunamis so to say are tied to engrams formed in the cortex of our brain. These engrams interpret our most fundamental behavior established throughout our life. Engrams are electrical pathways that leave a blueprint behind that is replayed when the brain triggers it. Basically we have blue prints of learned memories formed by these engrams. Considering in the cortex alone of our brain we have billions of neurons and each of the neurons have multiple axons (hair like fibers or branches combing off each neuron) that communicate with each other by passing a electrical impulse across a space between them called a synapse. Each axon can be used in multiple pathways with different axons. So the amount of possible stored engrams is inconceivable.
What reinforces certain engrams more then others is the frequency they are used. People who replay positive engrams over and over have a much easier time experiencing that memory, feeling and motivation.The same is true for the person who repeats or focuses on negative engrams or memories.
Being aware of this it is possible to observe in ourselves how certain behaviors or engrams we display is correlated to the positive or negative feedback we have recieved, especially in our childhood.
Trying to react differently when this engram is played back to us is as difficult as it would be to use a non dominant hand to write a essay. It is extremely uncomfortable. The resistance given to overcome the tsunami of behavior that is approaching is useless and exhausting it can seem. Trying to fight at behavior or thoughts created from a engram repeatedly throughout each day by mere willpower is impossible.
Instead of resisting this incredible draw inside us to act or behave in a particular way we we can learn to redirect our thought from the engram that is controlling it. Sort of like taking control by not resisting and finding a better means to direct our behavior then the engram that has us in its powerful grip. We need to let go and not resist the power of the wave of our emotion but redirect or thoughts that are playing over in the engram that has us helpless to it. If we choose to remember a different engram from our past. Something that has given us a feeling of well being, accomplishment and soothing satisfaction. Something that caters to a part of ourself we truly wish and want to be. As opposed to be taken to a place in the past we do not want to be. We then can by letting go of the negative engram that has us trapped in its huge wave of identity find another wave or engram to look to that steers us in a positive direction.
We then can ride the wave of our choosing to the place we decide.
All of us have patterns of thought from our past that pull us one way or the other. When we sense or feel that we are in a pattern of repetitive behavior we wish to change, we can consciously pause and see the thoughts controlling us. We let go of that fear those thoughts inspire and look to a memory of our choosing.
We can often find it daunting to attempt this in the middle of our fear but if we see the wave approaching and begin to redirect our thoughts at the beginning of the cycle it can reduce the fear or behavior before it builds and as we become more adept at utilizing this approach we can master the wave and actually ride it as a way of undoing our past to redirect our tomorrow today
Finding the desire to see this analogy in ourself and be willing to take the baby steps of going right instead of left is part of a awakening to inner growth that will redirect our life from within us out.