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. The feelings we have in dealing with certain situations that cause us to act in a manner we regret is a example of “Cyclic Behavior”. Cyclic Behavior is mentioned in the previous blog entry “A Ghost In You”.
That behavior in us that responds to fear is not recognized for what it is. That is the ghost in us we don’t see. The thing that is controlling us but we think of it in a way that it doesn’t appear to us as it is. It hides in us in a shell that is chamelion and we react in a way to push the fear away because we experience it in a emotion and don’t see it in us as a ghost but instead we think it is real. It isn’t real however and the fear that it traps us in, lives in a manner that survives in us by pretending to be something it isn’t. We push it away by reactions of anger, judgement, depression, excitement or any manner we act in that causes us to feel remorse after it because of how we reacted to it.
That cyclic behavior we manifest is a pattern of behavior we created in our childhood to deal with feelings we were incapable of at the time because we weren’t given the right emotional childhood development and as such we never created the correct coping mechanism to deal with things like confrontation, criticism and maintaining boundaries of behavior that allowed us to have self confidence in addressing life in all its expressions in appropriate ways.
The remorse, the depression and excitement are all part of the cycle of behavior that creates itself over and over again. This is how we continually push the fear away in ways that allows us to avoid addressing it and thus letting the fear continue to control us.
Addiction is looked at by many as the use of exogenous substance to create a euphoric feeling that we become dependent upon. Addiction however is not limited to the use of some external substance that creates “the high”. Addiction is the coping mechanism we find to dull our pain and medicate ourself with not only a external drug but also a endorphin response to stop the pain. That metabolic release of endorphins created by certain behavior is the coping mechanism we use to feel better about situations in life we do not know how to address. The addiction, what ever it is, is the coping mechanism we use to treat the emotional pain we experience from our cyclic behavior. Even if we are able to stop the addictive behavior we use to treat our emotional pain with and don’t learn how to treat that pain in a appropriate way we will find another addiction to deal with the fear in us.
Addiction is often thought of as illegal or antisocial behavior but it is much more then that. It is any behavior we engage in to “feel” better that causes us to feel remorse from it afterwards. In that awareness we can see addiction in a different light. It’s quite common for us to view many as a success in a figurative sense from a societal standpoint. Be it wealth, fame or recognition in many different ways but often as we learn a more deeper view of the person we can see how there life was filled with fear and the succes we saw them as having was merely a way to hide from the fear or the ghost they did not wish to see in them self.
We have to first see the fear in us before we can address it. If all we do is react to our fear and then put a bandaid on the remorse we feel because of it. We then do not do anything to treat it. It’s seeing the fear or looking at the chameleon it hides behind and responding to the situation that triggers our fear in a “correct” manner is what enables us to create the appropriate coping mechanisms we need to resond to life and not react to a fear in life. The pause that we embrace when confronted with fear is the space we need to have to say no to fear and yes to what is appropriate. It isn’t a magical wand that we somehow find in life that heals our fear, pain and addiction. It is the ability we find in us to pause before we react that allows us to respond to life and not react to it with a behavioral defense to fear.
Einstein, “The same mind that created the problem can not fix the problem”
The “strength” we find in that pause allows us to respond to life and not react to it, is how we discover a connection to something innately in us. It’s a connection we have to life and not our thinking that frees us of our own limitations and allows us to grow in ways we never knew. It is because we allow our thinking to trap us in our our fear that creates the cage that holds us. It is letting go of that thinking that allows us to know something greater then it and then be directed by life and not how we think. Our thinking is the crux of our problem so being able to step out of the thinking that our fear lives in is what frees us of it.
Buddha, “no one saves us but ourself, no one can and no one may, we ourselves must walk the path”
Cyclic behavior is often over looked. That fundamental program inside us to deal with life as we experience it. Things like Engrams (blog entries; Dropping In & Undertow) are hidden in our subconscious and we react to life in a programmed way when anything is experienced in our adult life that triggers that Engram to play.
The feelings we grew up with that are planted in our subconscious are replayed in our adult life and we think we make conscious choices but we don’t. Instead we make decisions based on a subconscious feeling to either a positive engram that helps us or a negative engram that hurts us.
So the “good” or the “bad” of our child hood is replayed inside us when we experience sonething that reminds of our childhood. Be it the tone of someones voice, the subtle demeanor of a stranger or the emotions we feel from soneone else can either attract us or repell us because of the subconscious feelings we react too but are unaware of.
This explains why we are constantly attracted to a similar type of person. The programming of our cchildhood is manifested in our adult life because of the experiences we have had.
Being aware of this subconscious reaction we have in life of feeling a certain way in certain situations is what can help us turn right instead of left and not be controlled by the feelings of fear that haunt us.
So breaking the pattern of negative behavior we seem to be trapped by is walking through the fear that wants us to react in a certain way. Our desire to be “liked” or drawn to someone is tied to the Engrams being played in our subconscious.
Being aware of the fear that is responsible for how we are reacting to life and not responding to life does not free us or take away the ghosts of our subconscious. We have to confront our ghosts in a conscious manner to overcome the subconscious control they have over us. So instead of avoiding the fear by pushing it away, we need to realize that pushing the fear away is what allows the fear to control us. We have to open the closet of our childhood and confront those Ghoats “memories” in order to overcome them.
That fear of our childhood is just as strong now is it what was when we were a kid so we essentially have to be brave enough to be the child in us and walk through that fear. That entails not reacting to life from a feeling we have of good or bad but instead responding to a situation as it is and not the feelings it inspires. Responding to life and not reacting to life is what frees us of our self made limitations and allows us to not let our feelings control us but instead respond to life as it is and not the programmed thinking that traps us in fear.
So knowing this is helpful to recognize what we need to do to break old patterns of behavior we want to change. Knowing it means nothing though if we don’t step up to the plate inside ourself to see ourself and change the behavior we have allowed to control us. That is the fear we push away that controls us by having us react in a way to avoid it (the fear). That fear is only alive as long as try to avoid it. Once we allow ourself to walk into it we find a strength in us that we never knew we had.
“Angels fall like rain and love is all of heaven away. Stars come down in you and love you can’t give it away. Inside you time moves and she don’t fade. The ghost in you” Psychedelic Furs, The Ghost In You
We all think the reality we live. Some attempt to overcome the limitations of what we think and find an intelligence inside us that shows a reflection we experience outside of us. Others look at what they experience and the reality they perceive as who they are. What they think they are is what they believe they are. A reality externally based as opposed to an internally based reality. “I Am” as opposed to “The I Am That I Am”. The ego as opposed to the observer of the ego. The control as opposed to humility. To even comprehend this means you are drawn to an internal awareness. If not, you would only see the one side of the coin. The duality of life is all you would know. The good verses the bad. This does not make sense to an ego based individual. To see the non-duality that reflects the duality is the awakening or the transition from an unconscious reality to a conscious reality. The understanding that the thought is both a conscious voice and an unconscious reaction. To walk in utter conscious reality is a pointless topic to me. The idea of “no struggle” is a misnomer, as we all struggle between the two and if our existence has a purpose it is the struggle to be or become aware that allows awareness to be. Otherwise awareness would not be if there wasn’t a opposite to it. The dark allows the light. The hot the cold and so on. So if our struggle is to see the light. To walk a path to awareness then our struggle is not bad and awareness is not good. They each are so the other can be. Words only point in a direction and they don’t mean anything except to the person that wants to think they understand what it means. The one that doesn’t want to limit themselves to a understanding their mind wants to think it knows and would rather look to the path of a intelligence that creates life will then look to separate themselves from the thought that limits them. Words are used in many different ways to say the same thing from a different perspective. Words like anger, shenpa, attachment, fear, worry all are a thought in a desire to know a feeling we experience. We want to label it. Granted some words look to identify how a feeling affects us while others look to give the feeling an identity. Whatever way we define or interpret our feelings we can see how anger, depression, shenpa, worry and so on is our subconscious manifesting itself from a thought to an emotion. That awareness to look at our emotions as the physical expression of our subconscious can offer us the opportunity to address the subconscious we are often oblivious too. By seeing our external reaction to life we can take that and use it as a sign pointing inward to heal the worry, anger or fear. If we only look to fix the external conditions that manifest our internal or subconscious reality then we never fix the, so called problem. The subconscious then has no choice but to reinvent the “problem” in the same or another way. That, to me, is karma. Karma is not good or bad. Karma is what is and as long as we think over karma or “what is”, what is has no other choice but to express itself. “What Is” then is life. It is the intelligence that creates everything and as long as we label “what is” with a thought that limits it, the thought will limit us from the intelligence of life or God. Our pain, anger, shenpa or struggle is the path for us to search inside our self to discover the intelligence of life that allows us to overcome our thoughts that keep us trapped in a existence of good and bad, dark and light, warm and cold, hate and like That thing we can’t label or know is a peace beyond any understanding. The heaven in our hell. That then is the “reward” of letting go of what we think we know (good vs bad). To uncover beneath those thoughts the intelligence that is what we are. The ‘I AM’ that I am. The door from what I think to what I am. That step of looking in and not out is the action only we can take. No one can take away the thought we think that limits us to an identity of “I am”. Only we can look past the thought of “I Am” to be the “I am that I am”. So what am I to do now, you might ask yourself. That is the journey inside you that you walk alone. No-one can walk that path inside you, but you. The best anyone can do is offer their own experience to you and that can offer you the ability to see your own struggle in theirs. Some of us can find the path of letting go of the thoughts that limit is by faith alone. A unquestioning belief in a higher power offers the antidote. Some look at a scientific relationship to that intelligence in such areas as quantum physics and so on that show the intelligence hidden behind the thought that thinks it knows. Others can look at psychology and see how ideas like “engrams” which are ingrained memories often from our childhood have a stranglehold on us in our life. Keeping us locked in memories we can’t let go of. In my book “Digging Deep” I talk about addressing that ambiguous path we all will face when we step of out or our ego and look at ourself in a observing manner. Having the will to look for the answer is what will give us the answer. Seeing the fear, anger, depression in an observing manner and not becoming the anger, worry and fear is the path to walking through it. Most of us want to turn away from it or find something “good” to cover our “bad”. Pausing instead and walking into that feeling will give us the answer to letting go of it and becoming more than anything we can know. A peace from inside us that overshadows any impermanent feelings of happy or sad the external world can offer.
. We don’t understand things as they are. We understand things from our ability to understand. Meaning its more about wanting to live in the limitations of what we know that threatens us from knowing anything more then what we do know.
The more willing we are to let go of what we know, the more apt we are to know what we don’t know. So if life is simply the abundance of experiencing everything, we then can serve our evolution by letting go of the constraints of what we think we know that conflicts with our experience of life and perceive the frustration in life as not frustration but instead the intelligence of life attempting to wake us up from what we think we know to what we don’t know.
It’s that thought of good and bad that creates the perception of frustration, joy, satisfaction or failure we think that manifests the reality we live in.
“The same mind that created the problem can not solve the problem” Einstein
To live life in a different reality then the one we do, we need to alter the thoughts we think in regards to the experience of life we perceive that in turn is the understanding of life we have.
How we think to our experience in life is the making of the reality we live in. The thinking of life in terms of good and bad is the origin of our emotions. Our emotions are not a reflection of our experience in life. They are a reflection of the thought we think to our experience in life.
“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so” Shakespeare
So what we think too life is the emotion we experience from life. Life then is first and the thought we think is after the experience of the life we live. Realizing then that the thought we think is a reflection of life allows us to respond to life practically and not react to a emotion created from a thought. That in turn frees us of the thinking that traps us.