When we get to the point in life that we honestly ask ourselves, “what is the point”, is for many at a time of immense suffering and confusion. That place of self felt defeat were we feel empty inside regardless of how much we have on the outside and alone regardless of how many we know.
That experience of failure or defeat in the thought of who we “think” we are is a opening that can allow us the opportunity to let go of that self felt thought of identity we cling to as though we know who we are. That ability to let go of the minds desire to control and own us is the chains that hold us. So when we find ourselves in a position that we no longer want to cling to a idea of who we “think” we are. We then are able to be more then a “thought” we think. We can let go of that cage we hold ourselves in by our idea of thinking we understand who we are.
If you look at religion in a conceptual sense you can see that in practing it we find a way to let go of our thoughts and trust in something more then what we know.
The misnoma of religion is thinking we know what God is or isn’t. Whether our religion embraces the concept of God or one of no God either “thought” is a aberration as to think you can know what God is or isn’t is a fallacy of the minds ego wanting to think it can know something it never can. As the idea of knowing what God is or isn’t is something the mind can not do.
That is the fear of our “brokeness”. Our inability to think we can know what we never can. So then if we can grasp that idea conceptually which is something we can “see” more clearly then try to know, we can look at religion or the idea of God or a oneness to everything as a way to help ourselves “think” in a way that helps us and not hinders us.
The question we then would ask ourselves in life while attempting to help ourself is how can I best “think” in a way that helps me and not hurt me. The problem we find in attempting to do that is we often respond to life from a emotional level as though we believe that is serving our well being. Our emotions then tend to direct our lives. Our emotions, though, are born from our thoughts. As we think something good or bad we create a emotion that makes us feel content or uncomfortable. So it’s allowing us to not be a victim to our emotions that frees us of our thinking and allows us to live on a plain outside the thoughts we think. That in turn allows us to escape the Ferris Wheel of life that lives in a thouggt of good or bad.
“Avoiding fear, sadness or anger is not the same thing as being happy. I live my sadness every day but I don’t resent it anymore. Instead, I do it now so that the wonderful moments of joy I do find are not in order to forget, but to inhabit and enjoy for there own sake. It’s not easy. In fact I’d say it takes much more effort to consciously do then it does to just stay sad. But with all my heart, I cannot tell you how worth it it is” Zelda Williams, Robin Williams daughter.
It’s easy to “think” what that quote Zelda said means and absorb it. Which in many ways is helpful. If , though, you looked at it in a conceptual way and saw it instead of think it you would see how in looking at her thinking and her emotions and instead of being driven by them she took the empowering approach of overcoming them by not allowing her sadness to own her and find a reward in what others would see as sadness or the thought of good and bad. So her bad isn’t necessarly bad to her and her good is not sonething she thinks in conventional sense. So we in our tradgedy or failure can find a reward that far outweighs any thought of the idea of good.
“Most people are wanting to own the map in life instead of the land” Eckhart Tolle
Does life happen for a reason? Is everything happening for a purpose? Does my life have a meaning to it? How ever you answer that question with a yes or no is the answer to the question. That answer though is not sone angelic, esoteric fopa. Instead what happens when you answer that question is you either are looking for an answer to the life you live or you are simply judging it as good or bad. What happens though when you look for the answer in life regardless of how it makes you feel, you escape that mirror of existence that lives in your mind and transcend that limited experience of a thought and find the answer to the question which is not in a thought you think but instead the life you live. So as others think themselves and you in a concept of good or bad you how ever live outside that expression of reality that is a reflection of what you think or dualiry and instead embrace a relationship with life that allows you to see yourself in everything and everyone which in turn is the non duality all religion looks to share.
“In the tree by the brook, there’s a songbird who sings sometimes all of our thoughts are misgivin. Ohh it makes me wonder. There is a feeling I get when I look to the west and my spirit is crying for leaving. Ohh it makes me wonder. And it’s whispered that soon if we all call the tune, that the piper will lead us to reason. If there’s a bustle in your hedge grow don’t be alarmed now. Your head is humming and it won’t go in case you don’t know. And as we wind on down the road, are shadows taller then our soul. There walks a lady we all know who shines white light and wants to show how everything still turns to gold. And if you listen very hard the tune will come to you at last when all is one and one is all. And she’s buying a stairway to heaven” Zeppelin, STH
My Blog has been a way for me to look in the mirror and see myself in words. A way to take the intangible of what I experience and reduce that blur of reflection to words that attempt to mean something.
The only problem with anything “meaning” something is it puts a period on a experience in life. As though “I Know” what that experience means. Once “I Know” I am stopping my ability “to be” the infinity of life. That process that keeps unfolding. By knowing I cut off the connection to infinity and create a box of understanding my thinking lets me live in. That finite box is a cage that I am trapped in by my “knowing”.
So why would I create a cage of thought? I ask myself. To me, that is duality. My cross to bear. My inability to live outside my minds desire to build a castle of thought that will eventually collapse on its own foundation. That thought of meaning that “I think” lives in me, doesn’t live. It’s only a projector on a screen that is seen as long as the image in my mind continues to show it. Once it stops either consciously or in death, my thought is no more.. What ever isn’t real dies and what ever is real never dies. “And so castles made of sand, fall into the sea eventually” Jimi Hendrix, Castles Made Of Sand
That idea of the death of “I am”, The ego that lives in a thought, seems cruel to itself. No matter how long that thought of I am has experienced itself it lives in fear because it knows it isn’t real and it will die and what is real will be. As is if a leaf had consciousness, it would “think” itself to be dying when the fall began to turn it brown. Only, however, till it dies does it become aware that it isn’t a leaf, it is the tree, the roots, the earth, the sea and all of “what is” is what it is. That leaf that thought it knew itself created a box of thought to experience itself in and in that thought it could feel the love of creation that everything is made of. In that thought, however, lives a death of knowing that creates a fear to overcome and a need to ” let go”, of the thought that creates the I am it thinks itself in. “Cause if nothing is the way it seems, then this life is just a haunted dream. And all this love is just falling down through the years. He says I think of the beauty I’ve had and all it does is make me feel so sad. First they make you think your riding high then they toss you off in the Sky and this love is just falling down through the years” Steve Winwood, Judgement Day
. It can be quite easy to undervalue or overvalue yourself and when you are on either side of that juggernaut the opposite side of that perspective is quite easily ignored.
To tell a narscistic ego driven mind to let go of that and move toward a more humble residing is looked at from the narscissist perspectiveas a insult. Where as someone who suffers from a lack of self confidence and dejected self perspective sees the advice from someone to embrace themself with a sense of confidence and self appreciation is taken in a manor that makes them feel like they do not deserve it and it comes across to them as being intangible and a empty compliment.
Finding a solution to the problem is a matter of awareness and that change of awareness usually comes to us in a manner that is looked at as being “bad”. Our awareness unfolds to us in life in a way though, that often is hidden in the experience of what seems like defeat. So the narcissistic feeling a sense of being rejected is the making of his perceived problem being a stepping stone to humility. For the person who lacks confidence or a somewhat useful narcissism, the challenge in life’s hurdles creates the struggle to achieve which is the pathway for a sense of accomplishment which in turn creates self confidence. So in looking at the two it’s easy to see how the antidote for one type of perspective is the poison that creates the other, humility/confidence.
A sense of moderation of either is needed to deal with life in a functional way that serves our material world and the spiritual side of us. Finding that moderation in us is not a simple process as it is our thinking that creates the lack of moderation and attempting to look at how you think is not as simple as it appears. It is a burden of our making.
“Close your eyes and bow your head, I need a little sympathy, cause fear is strong and love’s for everyone, who isn’t me. So kill your health and kill yourself, and kill everything you love. And if you live you can fall to peaces and suffer with my ghost. Just a burden in my hand. Just a anchor on my heart. Just a tumor in my head. And I’m in the dark” Sound Garden, Burden In My Hand.
So the riddle of solution to the egomaniac or the defeatistis is hidden in the initial creation of either perspective which is the childhood development. So either personality type is the child in the adult reacting to life and observing ourself in that way we can see the actions in a objective manner as being childish, that objective perspective can allows to use the appropriate antidote to heal ourself and not allow the feelings created in our childhood to control us. Objectively seeing ourself in that manner allows us to treat those foundational building blocks with in us.
That foundation of personality is built on the bedrock of our identity. Replacing or reshaping that bedrock is not a simple task and it becomes much more practical to see the goal as a work in progress. That outlook of achievement is the something that gives the undervalued ego a feeling of accomplishment that builds self worth and the egomaniac a sense of seeing their glaring self confidence in a dimmer light.
It is not until we find a way to see life outside the box of good and bad that we are given the tools we need to escape our own limitations. It is that challenge of the ego finding a way to see the good in the bad and the bad in the good that develops a pathway for either to help themself.
Much like The Wizard of Oz and how the Tin Man, The Scarecrow, The Lion and Dorothy all found the answers to their problems in their journey, so do we in our journey. The path of our life is the destination. We are were we need to be.
“Where you are is the starting point” Kabir
In a collective sense we in society judge one another on a scale measured by our success and our mistakes. We look at each other and ourselves at times as the better we are, the less mistakes we make. Yet we often have more depth and ability to navigate through life because of what we learn from our mistakes.
What if “the bad” causes us to be reflective instead of depressed or self defeating. What if in that self reflection we became aware of something we didn’t know that gives us a awareness we didn’t have before. The “bad” then may not be so bad. That bad, suffering or Dukkha might be what allows us to see past the illusion. The crack in the thinking that wants to understand.
Seeing how “understabding” reality is merely a perception and what we intrinsictly are is far more then anything we can comprehend is seeing our limitation and not being stuck in a thought that wants to know itself and instead is what frees us of the perception of reality our mind creates that traps us in the “I am” we think we are. It’s thinking what we are that creates the perceptio of “I am” and escaping the thinking that creates our limitation is what lets us see “the I am that I am”.
So our “broken” is the window to our connection to God or the ability of the finite to embrace infinity. Our “broken” is what allows us to not be limited to a God of our understanding but freed of our understanding to a God of what we don’t know.
It is because of not knowing, that we cannot embrace God without taking a step of Faith which is by its own meaning something we do that is not of our understanding. Our faith is the action we take without knowing. It’s more then us and because of that it frees ourself of ourself and that is only achieved through our suffering or Dukkha. If it wasn’t for the suffering we would not take that step of faith . Suffering allows us to become more then what we think.
So our mistake then is what allows us to not be limited to ourself but be freed to more then ourself. It’s judging ourself by our wealth, achievement and accomplishment that creates the hell of our own making.
“Some people are waiting to die to find heaven. If you don’t find heaven Now, you never will find Heaven.” Joseph Campbell