I was stopping by a clients house yesterday morning I have done some work on and as I was passing through his back yard I noticed a Raccoon that was trapped in a cage that was set last night as the yard has been trampled by them lately.
Well it was around 9am when I saw him which means he has been there for sometime and as I passed him my heart felt his energy and I looked into his eyes and saw a child afraid of what was to come. That unknown that seemed ominous to him as he was in a place he could not escape and his autonomy was lost to the owner of his new cage.
As I went inside and spoke to the family about some buisiness I kept thinking of my new friend, scared in his confined space.
Before parting I asked my client if he would like me to take the raccoon in the cage and bring it into the woods some ways away. Which he agreed too.
Who knows why some feel or see more then others. When you do though it can feel at times like a tug of war. A battle in your heart to be okay with things you want to make right but whether you can or not seems like a fight between your conscience and your heart. Your heart speaks with out words or social acceptance were as your conscience is a scale balancing it all. Trying to find a way to do what feels right yet gives your sense of self worth a imaginary reward in thought.
As I loaded the cage into the jeep I could see in my new friends eyes a fear and loneliness of something he knew he was going to miss. I speak with words to my fuzzy friends but I know it’s what comes from that Chakra in my heart that they understand and I focus that like my third eye and give them what I feel which I see is all I really can.
As pulled along side a thin stretch of woods by a riverside I set the cage facing the woods of his new home and as I opened the door I said “Ilove you and good bye” without words but instead a feeling I don’t own but am able to convey from a place that connects me to were everything is one.
He didn’t run away. In fact he never made a noise the whole time we were together. It reminded me of myself facing a scary fate and knowing nothing I can say will do any good so words aren’t worth the thought they think they own.
I saw myself in him and felt like a failure for not being able to do what he wanted which was to be set free in the yard and reunited with his mother who had sat beside the cage he was in for a few hours at dawn. Which the client had told me about. If I want to be saved and I can’t save my fuzzy little friend and all I have is empty words then what good am I.
“Vows are spoken to be broken, feeling are intense words are trivial, pleasures remain so does the pain, words are meaningless and forgettable. All I ever wanted, all I ever needed is here in my arms. Words are very unnecessary, they can only do harm” Depeche Mode, Enjoy The Silence
So as my scared new friend slowly stepped out of his cage and into a foriegn home I couldn’t help watch him take those slow steps and feel what he was feeling walking into the unknown. I felt guilty for taking him from his home and making walk through fear to create a new home for him to own. I see it as my own fear walking through the dark. It doesn’t matter whether it is day or night as the unknown doesn’t live in a shadow of the sun or a reflection of the moon. It is everything that is and letting go of that minuscule world I think I own to become one with all that is, is a fear of letting go to what I know which by my nature is something I don’t want to do. Even though I see the road to take and can behold the wealth of stepping into the unknown it’s still something “I” don’t want to do as all “I” wants is to know and save myself and anyone else from the fear of letting go.
“I’m the man in the box, won’t you come and save me, save me. He who tries will be wasted, feed me eyes now you’ve sewn them shut. I’m the dog that gets beat, won’t you come and save me, save me” Man In The Box, Alice N Chains