We feel like we are suppose to be at place of peace and tranquility to hear the voice of God. The mind scripts it that way. It tells us that the omnipotent authority in the universe is at its closest to man when his mind is at comfort.
The dialogue of the mind creates the mind. The dialogue of, what ever, God is, lives outside the mind. So then it would be logical to assume the ability to communicate or hear God might be more apt when the construct of the mind is threatened and those cracks in the minds perception of reality can be the gateway for the intelligence that is unlimited to speak to what we are. To bypass the thought that stands between God.
So maybe its not about waiting till you feel “okay” to be okay. Maybe its looking to be okay in the middle of the storm.
“When you say its gonna happen now. Well, when do you exactly mean? See, I’ve already waited to long, and all my hope is gone.” Morrisey, How Soon Is Now
It might be hope that stands in the way of knowing God. Sure some can stay ignorant of, what ever God is and be given a voucher to fill the needs of the ego they think they are.
But what if you had a choice and what ever God is, it asked you if you would be willing to fall to know the will of God. That then is being willing to suffer to know what you don’t know that will serve others and not simply your own treasure. So the pain we own is a choice to let go of ourself and ask to know what we can know to be of service to more then ourself.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith The Lord. For as the heavens are higher then the earth, so are my ways higher then your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts” Isa 55:8, 9
What that implies is that my wants, my needs and my thoughts are not those of Gods. So if I choose to give up myself to God I then am willing to let go of all those. That in turn creates the hell of my salvation. Which is the desert of my life I walk through to serve more then my life. It is not a self imposed suffering as suffering for the sake of suffering is a self serving masochistic indulgence. We don’t carry the cross of our choice to know Gods will. We carry the burden of our fear and insecurity which threatens our life of choice and challenges the walls we live in.
Its on that shaken ground that our foothold of resurrection is aligned. Not knowing the step ahead of the next is what leads us on the trail of something more then us.
“Character is forged only when we pass through fire. Suffering is ordained on our behalf, teaching us to endure with hope and patience, valuing it for the benefit it brings” Gary Thomas, Authentic Faith
We can’t help in living a spiritual life, to look to serve something more then ourself. We may not, though, necessarily wish to sacrifice everything we love in life to know the voice of God that lives outside the mind we live our life in. At the same time our life is only a preparation for what is after it. So maybe its our choice to look at the losses we experience, the pain we feel, and the hurt we own from caring to much that we turn that over to what ever God is and find the message in it for us on the other side of our fear of not knowing. Being willing to be okay not knowing in the face of fear may be what will allow us to find the strength to embrace our death with a awareness there is something incredible on the other side of it.
“To think in terms if either pessimism or optimism over simplifies the truth. The problem is to see reality as it is.” Thich Khat Hanh, The Miracle Of Mindfulness
Our pain then in the middle of our joy might just be our doorway to not be trapped in a life of self concern. That willingness to let go in the love we know can be the answer of all we wish to know
“Suffering is not a house to dwell but a doorway to blessing”
So as I walk in confusion, doubt, anxiety, concern and fear. It is then that I don’t just blindly ask to be saved. I ask, what ever God is, to use this opportunity to speak to me through the cracks in my reality that manifest my fear, to let me be more than I think I am from the word of I Am That I Am. My fear is nothing more than the voice of, what ever, God is. For if I didn’t have fear I would only have God. So fear can be the love I don’t know that is god wanting to know himself. Or love looking to know love.