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“As man think it, so he be it”. That sounds pretty simple and straight forward. The overwhelming majority of us have heard that or something similar to it in one or more ways in our life.ImageSo if its that simple why do so many of us not get what we think we need and live life wanting, asking and praying while feeling unrewarded.

I find a disconnect in myself to religion, therapy and many self help doctrines. The disconnect for me was and I’m sure still is the presumption of the subconscious.

Some would simply have us believe the subconscious is dictated and controlled by what we think, period. So all we need to do is think better.

It was a incredible awakening for me to realize I very rarely consciously thought. Many of my thoughts and reactions were and some still are a tape recording responding to the present from what I experienced in the past.

So simply hearing or reading “what I think is who, how and why I am” did not leave me any options. I was unaware that I responded to life not as it is. I responded to it from the hopes, insecurities and perceived threats of a 11y/o.

My fear then is a aspect of my past conditioning from a childhood that did not give me the tools I needed to conquer what my fear was then and now. My reactions to fear in the form of shame, guilt, depression, anxiety and what have you are the barriers I created from my inability to deal with life as it is and not as I want it to be.

I believe anything other then a belief in a higher power is a band aide that only covers my fear and doesn’t heal my inability to walk into and through that handicap I am experiencing as a form of fear.

Its easy to have a concept or a thought of God in my life. (The word God has a lot of personal baggage for everyone so use that word as a definition of your own understanding, I believe the word Love or life is more fitting as Allah, Jesus, Buddha, Mohammed and any other deity could be defined in the ambiguous nature of Love or life much more fitting then the understanding of a word) Being willing to believe, trust and act accordingly to that belief as I address my fear is what enables me to walk through and past it. “Fear knocked, Faith answered. No one was there”.

What ever my fear is, be it financial, political, my status in life, people’s acceptance of me, my health, the list goes on from the most trivial to death itself. If I address this fear with out owning the behavior (actions) that define my beliefs, then my belief or God is just words or thoughts  that give me no strength to receive from a power more then me. It’s looking to a intelligence of something more then I think that is the recipe for what ever a God is. It may seem like blasphemy to some to leave the meaning of God to a word like “it”. The fruit of using something like the word “it” is that it doesn’t attempt to define it. It leaves it a place for ones own belief therefore the word or belief is universal or one as the identity is in each of us that looks to it. Thus the realization that no one can give us “it” and it is something we have to find ourself inside ourself.

My belief is a action. “As I do is as I am”. My fear then may not be a bad thing. But if I never address my fear and am unwilling to walk in and through it, my fear has no choice but to reappear as it is life itself that I am not recognizing. I am trying to avoid it. Addressing my fear then can be a instrument to allow me to see the wholes in my connection to God I do not see.

My fear then is what is standing between me and God. I then need to walk through it or overcome it to know Gods will. Otherwise I will not know what I don’t know. I will only know fear and react to it as I did as a child.

Maybe fear is Gods way of talking to me or you in a way we have not listened or understood before. So in turn my failure can be my success. As I walk through the little fears of my life, be it loss of friendship, a loved ones companionship, a wrong order of food to my table, politics, stain on my shirt, flat tire… Going through all these perceived highs n lows of life with a belief that their is no good or bad, theirs only God. This lets me walk through my doubt, weakness and dread with a understanding that my fear is of the unknown and walking through that unknown (fear) with the actions of my beliefs in God is the meaning of turning my life over to God. It doesn’t mean I won’t experience fear but as I engage my fear with the tools of my spirituality, fear will take on a new meaning and provide me  with insight, depth and appreciation for things I never knew before. The answer to my life may be the journey and not the destination as it is how I walk the journey that dictates the destination. This in turn may bless me with the ability to walk into my greatest fear, death. With a understanding that the fear is my inability to see past death. As my brain and body both die it is the flesh that fears death but my mind and spirit live on. To live my life strengthening my resolve to embrace my fear will allow me to believe  with more and more conviction their is nothing to fear. As I or you live our life embracing our faith while encountering fear on our journey we may overcome life by not fearing death.

The quote “courage does not mean someone doesn’t have fear, it means they are willing to do the correct thing in the presence of fear” seems very applicable. Especially in a society that can very well judge us on the downside for having the humility to embrace love, compassion and understanding instead of anger, intolerance and rudeness in the face of our ego.

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